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Old 03-22-2015, 03:44 PM   #1
cheezyridr
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Default the best way to quit.

so i started this jam band with another bunch of guys before christmas. seemed like a great idea at the time. however, now that we are a few months in, i can see that what is is becoming is not what i envisioned. i no longer want to be a part of it. however, they are all great people and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. i was thinking of just telling them my work schedule will no longer allow me to participate. it seems less hurtful than saying "you guys pick shitty music that i refuse to play, and you don't have the desire/ability to play what i like". i don't feel like it's right for me to step up and say "we're gonna do it my way or no way". they seem happy doing what they're doing and i don't want to blow it for them. also, i can easily be replaced. i play lead guitar for them, but i'm not very good. finding my replacement shouldn't take long at all, i suspect.

any of you have any thoughts/opinions/similar experiences you care to share?
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Old 03-22-2015, 04:00 PM   #2
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You Canadians are too damned sensitive sometimes lol. Just tell them that you've got too many things going on in your life right now and you need to pull out in order to get your shit together.
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Old 03-22-2015, 04:26 PM   #3
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just tell the truth - that it's not what you thought it's gonna be...
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Old 03-22-2015, 05:45 PM   #4
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i should have pointed it out. when i say jam band, i mean, we don't play out. not ever.
it's just jammin for fun, in a rehearsal studio that we all chip in for. every other week. it's like, $15/prsn for 3 hrs, nicely equipped. and while they might see my ads if i try to do this again at some point, there is no "beginner musician's" community here. i might still use that studio to rent a drop-in room occasionally, just for myself. i may run into them again. i would like it to be friendly, they're all cool people.
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Old 03-22-2015, 06:23 PM   #5
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This is the best way to quit

JK, I find a little lie once in a while isn't bad, but what if later you find another band and they know about it. It will make it worse. Sleep on it
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Old 03-22-2015, 07:53 PM   #6
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Just cite the time-honoured "musical differences". No need to be insulting about it.
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Old 03-23-2015, 12:34 AM   #7
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Tell them that you are not interested in the band anymore and give them 4 weeks maybe 8 weeks notice that you are quitting.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:13 AM   #8
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I say tell em that they need to play better things as you are saying and also if they won't do that and the other fact you are good enough to gig for money then I think you should move on.

Tell them you old and dying and you have to get to the enjoyment since your Youth has expired. I guess in the end there isn't a real easy way to just tell them.

"Hey guys you are all nice and Gosh, I want to pick up chicks at the Jams ya know. Other have rumored that we get together and Jam but not in public and they are thinking we are bunch naked guys playing!... Ya daa..

Anyways... Just break it off. Like Paul say's Lying isn't gonna help so move on and just leave with positive intentions.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:45 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kumachan View Post
any of you have any thoughts/opinions/similar experiences you care to share?
Its SO cliche, but honesty IS the best policy. You DONT need to be completely forthcoming...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kumachan View Post
"you guys pick shitty music that i refuse to play, and you don't have the desire/ability to play what i like"... "we're gonna do it my way or no way".
...but just something that passes along the sentiment: "its not what I was expecting... Im gonna hike to other pastures. You guys are cool" WILL work in your favor, both in how THEY feel and in how YOU feel.

Leaving the rest of the guys a bad taste in their mouth wont bode well, ESPECIALLY if they happen have any buds in another band you're interested in hooking up with.
In any event, its not good karma.

Its really no different than a relationship with anyone, IMO... if you feel the NEED to tell them their issues, its more a reflection of YOUR need to pump yourself up in their eyes, which never works as intended.

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Old 03-23-2015, 01:59 AM   #10
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Kumachan, the best way to deal with this is just say it's not working for you. Bullshitting them with lies to make you feel better about not hurting their feelings is lame and disrespectful.

If I'm in a band, and I'm not cutting the mustard, or the mix is just not there, my personal expectations from the other band members would be that they call it as it is, tell me straight up and be honest.

I've hired and fired, and have been hired and fired. If you have to bullshit to get in or get out..no good will come of it.
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